As most of my friends know, I have taken this semester of school off for a variety of reasons. Although I expected it largely to be unproductive, I hoped that it would re energize me and prepare me for next semester. Interestingly enough, I feel that I've gained more this semester off than I have from any one semester on campus so far - and I have learned so much over the past few months, not only about myself but also about life in general.
Allow me to elaborate. As a junior, I feel that I've experienced much of what college life has to offer: I've made many meaningful connections with amazing people, whether they are students, professors, or mentors; I've enjoyed parties with friends after long weeks of studying; I've experienced the difficulties of "hell weeks" and consecutive all nighters; I've come to appreciate the charm of the beautiful campus; I've dabbled in a variety of extra curricular activities like club tennis, young democrats, and anime club; I've spent the summer on campus, and I've spent the summer as an intern in DC; Well, you get the picture - I've tried to make the most of my time on campus.
However, there were a variety of difficulties that I simply wasn't prepared for once school began. Academically, my expectations changed - I went from being sure of what I wanted to do after school to being completely confused. I went from being focused purely on grades to putting forth more of a consistent effort to learn comprehensively and for my own interest. My apathy about so many issues turned into engagement and immersion.
Socially, my expectations largely changed as well. I grew up in a small town in southwestern Virginia - where there was not much diversity, not much ambition, and where my values differed greatly from those around me. My experiences there were challenging, and ultimately they allowed me to become a lot more comfortable with my own values and myself as a person. One of the negative effects of those experiences, however, was that I was not used to interacting with people who had similar interests and values as I did. Once I got to William and Mary, I was surrounded by those people. When you're used to being the odd one out, you sometimes don't know how to act around people who think like you.
Overall, I changed as a person dramatically and matured in a lot of ways. However, I didn't feel that I was able to see the progress or how far I had come until recently. Much of it probably has to do with the fact that I've had more time to reflect and more free time in general. Some of it also has to do with my interactions being largely with people who I haven't talked to for a while and who have helped me to identify the ways that I've changed positively.
One of the most important accomplishments of this semester off has been developing my relationships with a variety of people. Surprisingly, rather than losing touch with my friends on campus, I improved most of those relationships. Since I've had to put an effort into thinking about and maintaining these relationships regularly, I've noticed that I appreciate them much more and actively express that appreciation as well as what I feel is unique about each one. The fact that many of my closest friends are graduating at the end of the semester also made me think regularly about how I will keep in touch with all of them after school. Balancing each of these relationships has proven difficult and exhausting at times, but also incredibly rewarding. I've learned the true impact that real, thought provoking conversations can have on people - and how important it is to continue to keep relationships dynamic and always look to improve them. Throughout the process of managing these relationships, I also really learned the importance of consistency and routine in my life. Although I have a long way to go in terms of managing time and creating a regular routine, I have made much progress.
Despite my own expectations, I also managed to be somewhat productive in terms of real world experience. I was able to work on my writing skills and develop areas in which I was weak. Academically my previous writing experience had been research papers and essay. My other writing experiences were on my own time, very opinionated, and usually I didn't push myself to finish within any sort of deadline. Not only did I learn new formats of writing recently (Game reviews, previews, newspaper articles, etc.), but I also learned much more about journalism which is particularly interesting to me. I learned to accept that when there are consistent, weekly deadlines, along with random assignments throughout the month, that I won't be able to turn in my best work every time. However, I also balanced that without compromising the overall quality of my writing - I never settled for mediocrity and always tried to use what I learned in each article I wrote. These have been valuable experiences that have helped me appreciate writing so much more.
Perhaps most importantly, I have learned much about myself over the past few months. I have become a much more positive person in general. I've seen a significant change in my overall thought process as a result of many deliberate techniques. I start the day thinking about three things I am grateful for - which only takes a few minutes but has made a huge impact on my mood on a daily basis. I also try to start the day with one of my favorite songs and a cup of coffee which goes along with the appreciation of a routine. Often I exchange messages with some friends or have thought provoking conversations to start my day by actively thinking. Recently, I have been trying to find a role and a purpose for each of my actions throughout the day as well. Although this is tedious, it has allowed me to plan more efficiently and live with a better sense of purpose overall.
I have been able to work on dealing with high levels of stress and anxiety, as well as pinpointing the causes. Oftentimes with anxiety, there are days when you just don't feel like you have the energy to deal with all the craziness of life. Particularly last semester, these days were all too common. It felt like stressful situations were popping up one right after the other and overlapping way too much - and I just had no idea how to deal with them all at once. While life has been just as unpredictable recently, I have dealt with it so much better - and I am satisfied to say that I've learned from my mistakes in the past. When I pinpoint and recognize a problem, I address it much more directly, and I am able to move on more quickly. Admittedly, it is still a struggle at times. On top of dealing with stress and anxiety, I have learned how to deal with my anger in a much less intrusive manner. I have gotten better at preventing anger at one particular thing from translating to anger in general. Still, I recognize that there are times when I just have no energy or am physically and psychologically exhausted. During these times I need to be alone, chill out, and give myself time to re energize - and this realization more than any other has helped me to deal with stress, anxiety, and anger.
Even as I am writing, it's becoming easier for me to see just how much progress I have made in terms of improving every aspect of my life. When I see the progress I have made, it is extremely gratifying. Still, it only makes me want to continue this pattern. As long as I continue to improve as a person, this semester off will be a success.
