I was cruising on the interstate, relaxing music playing in the background, headed to West Virginia. I was looking forward to visiting my college roommate, and one of my best friends. I never got a chance to hang out with him much the semester he graduated. Surely the weekend would be fun, but there were so many thoughts going through my head. There were so many memories and experiences. There were some wonderful high points, and difficult low points. For the first time it really hit me just how much having such a close friend for a roommate meant to me over three years. Thinking about all of the experiences we had together put a big smile on my face. I began to wonder how I could possibly articulate this sentiment, and I was grateful that I would at least have an opportunity to do so that weekend.
My mind began to wander, and I started to think about all the people in my life who I didn't get to say goodbye to last semester. There were many of my closest friends who graduated, they had put up with all my craziness, and I was never afraid to be myself around them. And that was so important to me - it was because of them that I truly began to understand the value of being myself and of letting my guard down. I didn't feel pressure to change myself in any way - just being me was always good enough. I knew that I had taken many of them for granted, and I guess I just never got a chance to truly thank them for everything. It's a good possibility that many of them will never know how much better my college experience has been because of them.It's an interesting and common theme, if you think about it: You make much more of a difference than you know.
For some reason, I started to think about how well I got to know so many of my friends at school and how my relationships developed and the dynamics changed throughout the years. I also thought about how coming to WM affected my relationships with those at home. I realized that I got much closer to many of my friends from home while I was in Williamsburg. I started to wonder: Why? Maybe it was because I valued having people around me who I was comfortable with. After all, coming to school and having to form all new relationships with people took a lot of energy. Going back home allowed me to go back into my comfort zone. I also felt what I valued in my friends changed significantly after my first year at WM, and so I felt that my relationships with those at home had to evolve in some ways. There are probably several more reasons I don't truly understand - but I can say that I have very much enjoyed adding more depth to my existing relationships.
This question kept running through my mind: How well do you know the people in your life? How well do they know you? Relationships work in complicated ways, and there are so many factors to consider. I was thinking about all of my friends at WM. It was odd to me that most of my closest friends at school, I had only known for a year or less. Logically, I would think my closest friends would be those who I'd known for a long period of time. There was not one factor that logically explained the dynamics of the relationships I had with my friends at school. It always confused me, but especially since my semester off I had come to appreciate the randomness of that aspect of my life.
What I now think is that you just get along best with people who are truly similar to you - and while that sounds simple at first it is truly complicated. There's a significant difference between what people project and who they truly are. From my experiences, this is always the case whether they admit it or not. The best explanation I have is that I just click with people who are truly like me - but it's difficult to find those people. Many of my closest friends seem much different from me. Everyone deals with insecurities and so much pressure, and it can be tough to be yourself around people who you feel are so different from you. I can count on one hand how many people I feel truly know me and understand me on a deeper level. These are the people who make me truly happy, and who I care about enough to share important aspects of my life with. As I develop new relationships, that can be discouraging and frustrating- because there are some people I know who will never truly understand me. But it's also exciting to know that there are many people out there who I will be able to form close bonds to in the future and share wonderful experiences with.
I started to think about all the people in my life who impacted me significantly. My parents and siblings came to mind first. It's something I never felt like I had to express, kind of like an unspoken agreement. I love my family and family members love me- and at the end of the day regardless of any disagreements that's what matters most. The relationship was pretty straightforward. I then thought of all of my favorite teachers and some childhood friends, and I wondered if I would ever be in touch with some of them again. Strangely I didn't feel pressure to get in contact with any of them though. A thought occurred to me that seems fairly obvious now, but was like an epiphany at the time: life goes on, no matter how many friends you gain or lose. People change, circumstances change, relationships change, and so much is out of your control - but You'll always have wonderful memories, and they will make you smile and laugh. It's important to know that you'll always find new experiences and people to share them with.
At last, my mind wandered back to all of the people who I wish I could have said goodbye to - and I had the widest smile on my face. The thoughts of all the fun conversations and experiences I had with them flooded in and warmed my heart. I was feeling true gratification thinking about such meaningful relationships with amazing people. At that moment I also realized that there isn't always a right time to say goodbye, and sometimes goodbyes aren't necessary at all. All I could hope for was that when any one of them thought about all the wonderful memories, that they would feel this level of joy, and maybe smile or laugh, too. I knew that I had also made a difference in their lives in one way or another - and there's no way to properly describe exactly what I was feeling right then, but I knew that this was what made me happy: Making an impact on those I truly cared about.
