The Confounding Effect of Fear

When I think of my fears, all sorts of things come to mind. There are common ones like bears, heights, and the big one - Death. But there is another dimension of fear that I feel isn't explored as much as it should be. For example, the fear of an unfortunate realization - whether it is about you, someone you hold in high regard, or anything you value. This internal fear is sometimes even more paralyzing and obtrusive than physical fear, yet it is often ignored.

The reason I find this so important is because fear and the process of accepting / confronting it have gotten me out of numerous tough situations in my life. It was incredibly difficult for me to understand at first, but only recently have I begun to realize the impact that fear has had in my life. I had many emotional fears, such as not fitting in, not being trusted, or not being liked - but the biggest one was being vulnerable. I did not recognize these fears at the time, and it took me years to accept them. My fear of not fitting in prevented me from being individualistic and developing creativity in a positive way. My fear of not being trusted, and inevitably my fear of trusting people prevented me from learning so much more from friends and family. My fear of not being liked allowed me to justify compromising my most important values, which I would consider unacceptable by my own standards today. My fear of vulnerability prevented me from forming many potentially significant and meaningful relationships with a variety of people. When I look back at the huge impact of fear in the past, I wonder how it will affect my future.

I have confronted and continue to work on accepting some of these fears without abandoning my own values. Now, more than ever, I have begin to explore what makes me unique as a human being while accepting that we can all find common ground. I no longer worry about whether people trust me, and I trust those who are willing to be a consistent part of my life. I value and respect myself enough not to always cater to others - and rather, value my own character and principles.

On one hand, there are risks of accepting vulnerability. After there is a mutual level of trust and vulnerability, if that trust is betrayed, the consequences can be severe. It can change both people in a lot of ways, and it can have negative effects on both people's relationships with others. So why trust anyone enough to be completely vulnerable?

The most significant thing I have learned by facing these fears is that vulnerability is a privilege, and it is not something to be afraid of. Let me explain : I believe the foundation of mutual trust is vulnerability. If someone is willing to open up to you and trust you enough to show vulnerability, it shows that your relationship with that person is unique. It also allows you to be more open, and when both people in any kind of relationship are comfortable around each other enough to be vulnerable, it is a truly unique and more meaningful. These kind of relationships cannot be formed without that level of trust and vulnerability, especially if it is not mutual.

These are all lessons I have learned from fear. None of them were easy to learn, and I made many mistakes along the way. I also accept that I will make more mistakes in the future. I know that I still have many emotional fears - but the most important struggle is for balance - specifically that I balance confrontation and acceptance of fear. It can be difficult to find that balance for each fear, but if we strive for it the quality of our relationships and our lives will show it.