How To Get the Girl/Guy You Want

Have you ever read one of those articles about how to find the perfect guy or girl and been sorely disappointed? Well, prepare to get your mind blown, because I'm about to share with you some ancient secrets of seduction. They are easy to follow and guaranteed to work.

I'll start with how to get the girl you want (Don't worry ladies, I'll follow with some tips for you, too!) :

1. Wait exactly 2 minutes and 43 seconds before you respond to a text. You don't want to sound desperate, but you don't want to seem like you're ignoring her either. This will either send the message that you are a busy person or that you don't like to read, so it's a win-win situation. I highly recommend that you invest in a watch, because those 43 extra seconds are essential if you want the girl to like you.

2. Be random. This is where a lot of guys mess up. They try to stay on topic and keep a coherent conversation going, but that's not what girls want. They want something spontaneous and exciting. Next time you're having a deep conversation with a girl you like and she's pretending to understand what you're saying, just say or do something really random. It's even better if you interrupt her while she's talking, and it's important not to explain yourself. It will make you seem mysterious, and girls dig that.

3. Compliment her. You have to be original, so don't just tell her she looks pretty. Comment on something that is unique about her. Tell her how the mole on her arm really accentuates her skin tone, or how nice her earlobes look. If you're feeling daring, tell her how well groomed her mustache looks. Believe me, she won't ever forget your compliments if you make them original!

Now, here are some tips for the ladies:

1. Do NOT tell him you like him. This is the cardinal rule. Even If he says he likes you back, he's just trying to be polite. I mean, what type of guy wants a girl to explicitly express interest, anyways? Weird ones!

2. Be subtle. Guys hate it when you are straightforward about your feelings, so you have to make sure you're really subtle when dropping hints. For example, positioning yourself at a 45 degree angle is perfect, because it sends the message that you like him but you aren't too easy. A 90 degree angle on the other hand is a big no no, because it screams "I'm desperate!" Remember, guys love to pay attention to these tiny details while they are out on dates. So if he doesn't respond immediately to your hints, it probably means he doesn't like you. Or you're just not being subtle enough.

3. Agree with everything he says. Guys want you to conform to their beliefs. So if you have an opinion about something, just keep it to yourself and nod. This is not only true for the big issues like politics and religion, but also for the little things. I remember when I was on a date with a girl I thought I liked a lot. We were getting ice cream, and I told her my favorite flavor was chocolate. She responded by saying, "Really? I like vanilla!" Needless to say, we didn't work out.

You know what's crazy? There are actually numerous articles like these about how to get someone to like you, and plenty of people actually buy this nonsense! The truth is there are no magical secrets that can guarantee that a girl or guy will like you. The best thing you can do is be yourself, be honest about your feelings, and when you find someone who likes the real you, it will lead to a longer and healthier relationship. Don't be afraid to share your interests or your beliefs, no matter what other people think of them. That is what makes you a unique person, and you deserve someone who appreciates what makes you different from other guys or girls. Always remember that.